A Little About...

For starters I was born in the awfully cold month of February! February the 16th at 5:25 am to be exact. I was born into a loving family of jet setter- christians, To my Parents K and T. Though my house has been my house for 14 years, I still don't count it as my home. It acts more to me as just a house due to the large amount of traveling my parents and I accumulate over a year! My parents had me grow up as an open minded individual. Where I still live a life of risks and dares! For example this year my parents and I took a cruise to Alaska where we went on the worlds largest, highest and fastest Zip-line in the world. I was afraid of heights but I was so excited I ran onto the zip line first. And to be honest I wouldn't ever regret it. Another example was when we took another cruise to the grand cayman islands my parents and I made sure we wouldn't leave without having the island's delicacy: Turtle! I enjoy being able to see,feel,taste,smell and live the many rare attractions and wonders of the world! I am always very grateful for the life I get to live.

This following paragraph might be hard for me. It's always hard for me to list my favorite things because there are not many things in this world I don't love and accept ! So I will just make a gratefully shorter list by mentioning the few things I dislike! I dislike mondays for the uncatchy and ugly word of monday. It doesn't have a nice melodic sound to it which really annoys me! Where most of the english language is filled with beautiful words like Scintilla which usually roll off the tongue beautifully!I love european languages so much more for the sake of the beautiful sound to every word in the vocabulary of the languages in the continent!

(I can fully translate a conversation in German, Spanish or French). As for I also don't enjoy eating pork or beef for the detesting thought of how the bacon I had for breakfast once was a pig that used to roll around in it's own secretion and would eat old garbage scraps. I try to eat vegan or red meat-less as much as possible. I'm okay with having birds or seafood but beef and pork will always "creep" me out! I also have this OCD affect with velvet, corduroy or suede. Those fabrics completely bother me for some reason. It feels like the fabric cuts me when feel any one of them, if thats a better way to explain how it feels. Maybe it's due to the fact that I have hyper-senstive skin cells?

On the note of things I like/dislike I cant help to mention I think I'm going to really like this, for the way this day has gone I might just love this and learn a few things along the process! As for one of my favorite grammar jokes is ; If a vegetarian eats vegetables

What the heck does a humanitarian eat!? Its actually a paradox.... to be exact!

Can You Keep A Secret?

Every night I have a Dream. A dream where the Sun is setting, cars are zooming behind me. There's a Rail in front of me, and I climb on top of it . I look Down and see the golden waters, the waves rippling in sync with the sound of my heart. I am on a bridge, a red bridge. One I used to visit everyday in the warm summers of California as a child. I am in San Francisco as I hear the sound of the ringing bells of the cable cars clearing the roads. This beautiful sound I only hear distantly in the background. I look down. The Sun has set and the waters have turned to black. The beautiful black waters captivate me. The Darkness. I take my last breath on this earth and just jump. Letting everything in this world just go away. Jumping Into the unknown is something I truly fear.

What was once september...

Every glance feels like a hundred little raindrops on my face

and every touch feels like a million little stars in the sky

When i'm with him I dont know why

Why oh Why time slows by

they say your different and I think that is what makes you so beautiful

for everything you do

You remind me of a nice warm day in the middle of winter

of fairies and sugarplums ever feeling bitter

you make me feel so incredible

when I know I'm with you its impossible

because your just so impeccable

We're defeating the odds and starting to soar

without a worry in the world and our lives ahead of us

I'm sure we'll go far, because when you dream

and live at the same time you end up living your dream

without realizing it!

we are conquering our emotions and accepting them

I think i should tell you everything, every single word to your face

I've never felt this way before and i don't know what to do!

about me and you,

me and you!

I know how you look at me you think of the world! You think of more to life than living young! You have dreams and possibilities and thats what really makes me go insane! I've never met anyone who thinks like me, until i met a guy like you

If you love me, let me know. If not, please gently let me go

Fear

The amount of uncertainty, and fear I feel is truly terrifying. I hate this feeling of doubt in my life. Feeling unconfident in my own decisions worries me. Am I truly making the right decisions if I still never feel positive towards my choices. To think, I used to have all the answers to my questions , I was so sure of myself. I miss that. I remember that sense of feeling full in my heart. Where nothing was missing and I was so strong. So strong and rich of life within me. I was a whole. My personality was so vivid. Life Starts to get difficult when no one can answer your own questions anymore. Not even I know what to say to myself, I'm left speechless every night before I pray. I no longer know what to say. I just pray to see another beautiful day. I'm The only one in the world to ever go through this problem, I know its a terrible wish, but I sincerely do wish there was someone out there I could relate to. I have such amazing people surrounding my life, but no one will truly know what I have to go through on a day to day basis, and I kinda wish there was somebody. Somebody out there like me. So somewhere in my head I feel less of a stranger to the rest of the world. Alien, now thats the perfect word to describe me. I feel completely foreign even when I'm in my own Home. I still feel foreign to the rest of the world, in the way that no one absolutely comprehends the way I think, and how I feel. Please don't take this personally, I deeply care about you. I'm sorry.

Building Anxiety

This fear inside me keeps on eating me up, day by day it gets bigger as each day it takes a part of my life away. What I had once thought it was the light shining within me, but soon proved to be a darkness; a sense of confusion, pain and hurt. This fear has taken over my life. Its captured my own thoughts, emotions and feelings. I've forgotten how to feel anymore. I can no longer tell the difference in what is truly real. Everyday I have to wake up in the morning and realize that another part of me is gone.

My heart is no longer whole. I don't want to surrender to the fear and the worry, I want to win this battle just for the sake that I will know what its feels like to win once again. What doesn't kill me, only makes me stronger I know I've lost from whom I used to be during this process , the real me and please excuse me for my behavior. When I do get better, I can assure you that you will see the light shine once again within me.

Please Don't be scared of whats going on with me, there is nothing wrong with me. .... Wait, That was a lie.

Dear S:

a letter I wrote to myself at the beginning of last September, to be read in 4 years.

Dear S:

What do I say to the "S" of four years ahead? Do I say something utterly Cheesy or Try to impress her with some-sort of large vocabulary I don't even the meanings to? I don't even know what to say! Im actually kinda confused in life right now! I don't know what career I should pursue, where to go with or what to wear! I think if I was to tell my self one thing it would be to never change who I am for the benefit of others. At least I hope O stay true to myself! I would like to stay clean and free of everything. Why would I want my thoughts to be manipulated! I also don't plan on leaving this program for any reason. Im so tired and I'm sorry I have nothing to say! Right now I am just going though some issues! Never forget to thank Mary for helping me out with all my situations! Life is surely going to happen over these four years and i have to be able to handle them with grace and confidence. I hope my dream's and wishes come true! I know that friends and the things that matter the most might change, but the biggest thing is how you accept the changes in life, remember that though any situation God will always be there cheering me on.

Sorry for being so AWOL

I was sick :(

Will be back soon!

Happy Birthday Canada! :)