A Short Story
"She's got a million dollar smile." they would say as I go from audition, to audition being admired by the casting directors, in my late afternoon auditions. In the mornings I went to school where I was always ridiculed and laughed at for always being so happy. It was nice being able to escape to acting when I felt at the bottom of the food chain. Even when I tried changing schools, people just labeled me as "Happy," almost like I couldn't have any other feelings. I seem to always be happy and constantly happy for the hard fact, that I've seen so much bad in my life that it makes everything compared to what my life used to be so much better. There is no compare of what situations and the things I've seen in my life, to how my life is now. Everything has been so much worse than it is now, all I can do is be happy and constantly grateful for where I am today. This is the story of what brought me to whom I am today.
I am only seven . My lanky 6 foot tall brother walks in the Room as my Mom and I are watching old home videos. He's 19 and confused they say, but I always knew he needed more attention. This week he broke up with his Girlfriend of two years. He proposed to her about 6 months ago thinking she was "the one". Jill was his first real love. You know how it is when you're so young and your hormones make you feel like everything is more of a deal than it really is. He lost everything ever important to Jill. As my Brother had been hiding in his room for a week he came out for the first time. His first social interaction in a long time. He sat beside my Mom as I sit in the couch across. As my mom notices him she tries to not make a dramatic expression, so he doesn't feel uncomfortable. I look around and notice the beauty of this moment. The three of us content and happy for once, remembering the cute moments of my brother I had seen over an over again on videotape of Him on his second birthday dunking his head into the cake and breaking it. At then my parents we're just a bit mad, however the charm in his smile canceled out any anger in their eyes. As I see him laying on my mom shoulder with tears falling from his eyes. My Mom doesn't notice with the time going by so quickly. She gets up to go to go to bed. He is about to fall asleep on the couch, but I give him a smile of happiness , knowing how he can cry sensitively over his old memories as I sweetly watch him fall asleep.
It had only been about 30 seconds since he's been with his eyes closed but then he suddenly wakes up and starts balling his eyes out! He looks to me with all the sadness in the world, and starts saying in a feared voice " I just overdosed on my antidepressants." Being so young, I didn't know what he meant or what to do. I suddenly gave him a giant hug and start crying myself. All the memories I'd ever have with him were compressed into my mind in the single second I hugged him. I couldn't imagine what life would be like if I didn't have him anymore! My mom walks into the room not knowing anything, the only thing on her mind is shepherding us like sheep to our bedrooms. I look at him in the eyes, and he knows what to do. He tells my mom, as I watch aside as I see her world fall apart right in front of her. She falls onto her knees crying. My Mom hugs my brother as she takes him upstairs. I sit here downstairs alone, as I hear the Car door slam from the driveway upstairs and the car zoom off. I sit here in awe, how can my life change so much in an instant. I could never understand how life could be so hard.
I went to bed with my pillowcase drenched of my tears. Not knowing if the brother I loved so much would still be there the next day. I couldn't believe it, the brother whom used to play dress up and house would be gone, The only friend I'd seem to keep at that age wasn't going to come back and be the brother I loved. I woke up the next day in a panic, unsure of what was to come. My parents rushed me to the hospital without a word said since the night before. The car is filled with nothing other than the loud silence of us all knowing what the outcome was.
I rush to the mental ward with both of my parents. The nurse directs us to go to his room where the doctor would be there shortly. I ran past my parents and open the door to his room. All I see is his still body on the bed. I got angry at him for doing such a stupid thing. I went into the corner and fell to the ground in hysterics he was actually gone from my life. A precious life taken away so quickly all for nothing. I notice my parents outside the room eavesdropping on my outburst. I heard them both cry outside the room, for they were both scared to come to the harsh truth. I don't think I can explain the exact felling you get when your best friend dies. It's a rather bitter feeling, and I get it every time something reminds me of him. Everyone tells me I look like him and I have his innocent smile, sometimes I feel like my parents can't look at me the same since then, every time the look at me I know I remind them of him. Whenever I thought of him, I used to blank out for a moment, speechless when this happened but now I've learned to cover it with a smile. I smile because I am grateful for the amount of time he was in my life and how he has impacted it. I hope he knows that for every time I smile, I think of him and I hope it makes him proud in heaven, looking over me.
That was the day I woke up to the world, no more fairies and fables, I realized at a young age that the world was a harsh place. I might of grown up a little too fast, but we all knew it was bound to happen to me soon, we just didn't think I would wake up that quickly. The situation has probably taken a greater toll on my life than it has on anyone else. It always seemed weird to me how people could fuss over little things in life, especially as a teenager I grow up with girls and guys who constantly worry about texting, crushes, music and popularity. Some times I just wish they knew that there is more to life than the little stereotypical things . It seems like the real world is completely blurred out to them as if they are deaf to everyone except themselves. But the thing is without going though all this heartache I probably wouldn't be the same person I am today. It has affected me greatly and it has changed me for the better.
