I love the ability to be. I am free.

I saw you staring at me.

Watching me

with those hazel eyes of yours

wishing you could be mine

and now in my mind

I'm laughing in your face

because with me

you boy came too late

now someone else

is here holding me

you look so dumb

still staring at me

we can all tell you want to be

forever dancing with me,

but now in the arms of someone

who actually jumped on the boat

because i've given you a chance

too many and now your in your bed

sittin eating some ben n jerry

the girl at the front of the class

is it because there is this girl

she just cant escape

these four walls

the color of blank,

its the same color

of the things i don't ever wanna see

don't even wanna be

i just want to leave i want to graduate

and see this giant world

but for this time i just seem to wait and wait

it makes the clock go slower

time to pass wont ever last

with a girl who's a mover and a goer

she never stops never takes a break

she's a little perfectionist

cant make a single mistake

as i fix and fix until

until I make me fake

real is what's worth the search

until then i'll be waiting for you

praying in church

the Deep-Six

If i could only forget about it

just like everyone else has over the summer

the biggest issue i that i had only wanted people to act like they didn't know

and now I'm not sure if you are being really respectful or you have only forgotten

I don't want to ask you and remind you of the terrible pain you had all seen me in

because its even painful for me to remind you that that pain is still there

i still have to deal with it

even though the only thing i want to do is run away

but the only problem is it is me

its a part of me i just cant rip away

or just escape.

its follows me everywhere i go and i can't help a thing

just i wish you had realized how much pain it is

how much i have to cry

how hard it is to just go through a single day

as strong as i am , I'm still a weak soul

tired more than anything at the end of the dayforever as i wait for this cloud to pass and finally find my own silver lining

oh what a joyous day it would be to me

wishing you were there

I'm jealous of you.

The girl who gets to worry about the things she gets too

she gets to worry about things that seem like nothing to me

how jealous i am.

the way how your biggest fear in life is getting a flu shot

how you think a common cold is a big deal.

the way you can fall in love without a worry

and make friends without ever have saying a goodbye

your already so lucky, you probably don't need to pray

the way your actually mean it when you say "I'm Great"

you worry about your forgotten science homework

or having to take the bus

your so ungrateful of your parents.

you have a thousand reasons to hate them yet i cant see one

you have no idea how i wish my life could be as carefree as yours

every night i count my blessings and as i still keep you in them

its not like me to be jealous

but a such an absentminded girl like you probably deserves it

having heard your problems day after day night after night

i cant take it no more.

here i am making sure i say thank you whenever i can

because of the way everything has effected my life so greatly

that even the littlest things are the only things that can make my day

i just need you to be what i'd let you in my life to be

a friend.

when i need you your not ever here to hear my problems

as i go though my most life changing hardships

your not here.

on my short list of wishes

i now add you to it. wishing you were here.

only a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen

wishing you were here.

drinking

Some people look at the glass of water as

half empty or half full. I instead just take that glass and drink it.

i guess you could always say that i've always just done it.

I'd taken that ever so talked about glass and chugged it

thinking too much into things always had me think myself out of it

it was if i was to think any longer about the glass i'd just sit there.

but i met someone.

someone who barely knows me yet has taught me so much

a person whom i'd never talk to

yet ever so love to.

realizing this made me take those chances

instead of waiting for the train to hit me

he had taught me to cross the tracks

i swear i've only said less than 20 words to the boy

i wish i'd have to say more but getting to notice everything you've done

makes me want to yell at you

but i have too much respect for myself to act so

for the line up of great girls who'd wish you'd stop ignoring us

and the girls who had done not a thing wrong to you

i'd just want to tell you girls that your better that that,

now please just take that glass and drink it to the very last drop

drink up that courage

stand up and leave him

make speechless cause he doesn't deserve a word to a girl as great as you.

him

I wish this didn't end the way did.

without an ending I'm not quite sure if it did or not

We both cared for each and had promised so much

now two ropes spinning in different directions

if were doing anything i'd call it double dutch

We were both so young , gracious and once kids

but is it so that you have forgotten me

i feel as if we've just fallen off our map and grids

i could once fell you just taking over this soul

could anyone of told me the great amount of danger

you were to me and how could you ever forget

why am i now just some stranger

I told you ever little thing. every secret

and how could i ever trust an idiot like you

why could i think you would keep it

and when i think of the damage you did

even meeting you is such a regret

but i cant. and i won't

because at the end of the day

it was my fault for falling for a boy

and a devil that never could repay

Why...

I did it.

why.

because there's nothing that could ever seem so shocking to anyone

i just did it because i could have done it

was it the fact that every girl and guy envied me in the room

they wish they were the girl against the wall

they all wished they were the lips i'd be kissing

of anyone to kiss these lips so sacred of mine

why.

is it because i watched you stare in jealousy

the boy with the soft lips i'd always wanted to touch

was wishing to touch mine

i saw you stare at me.

why

is it because opportunity was running out

a girl of all no's had finally said a yes.

time was ticking

life was pleading

my heart had no sane

without a soul

i could be gone in any moment

then why could i not have it

why, well whats why in this story, the girl quite doesn't know that answer herself

Near End

I smile and realize I will never have to go through this. I hope nobody has to go through life the way I did. Living in such confusion is unfair. I want to help people one day. I know I have a purpose on this earth and I want to find it. I know I use the word's "I want" too often but I am still young and my possibilities and future seems endless in choices.

Strong

What does it mean.

Is it defined by how heavy a weight you carry

or how many times you have carried that weight

and does it matter which type of weight you carry?

It could be emotional, physical or metal

I don't think being strong can be seen

It can only be felt

Almost unknowing

I think strong is when a person can hold back their emotions and go through life normally

but the person is trying to cover up who they are

I like to believe situations can define us in our present

I can't really tell you what strong means unless i've found it myself

People say I'm strong but I can never believe it

Yes I've made it though terrible situations over and over again, but it doesn't make me strong.

Or Maybe It Does?

Truth

I want to tell you

but I can't

I just won't

I want to but i don't want to hurt you

I want to stop pretending that everything is just great with me

I want to tell you the truth.

I worry you would be scared of me

just run away

would you run away

like everyone else did

Walking Around Eggshells

I know its hard to dart a subject that was so important to my life

But its even harder not to address it

trying to forget is hard

I get it, your erasing me from your life

you think it won't hurt me

but it does

you just can't do that to me

I want you to be informed

cause If I leave I want you to know

to realize who I am

The Elephant In The Room

I bet you thats how it feels once you know the truth to me.

I wish you all could know this elephant.

But once you know it,

there is no chance of getting rid of this elephant from your sight.

It opens up all these awkward feelings you never knew existed

it makes the simple idea of just saying "Hi" all the more uncomfortable

I know you all see this elephant

cause I see it too.

I like to believe everyone meets their elephant sometime in this life.

I think Its hard to tell everyone about your elephant .

Knowingly I can only see a few.

This elephant was never brought upon myself

it was always how my cards were just dealt.

I like to wish i had never had this 5 tone animal following me around.

Yet again with out it I wouldn't have the beautiful sprit I have today

I love this Elephant yet in reality I really shouldn't

No one should wish to have an elephant

It has equally ruined my life as it has changed it.

I wish more people would have just ignored the elephant and just talked to me about it

I knew you were all concerned

but its even more concerning to me when i didn't hear you asking me how I was.

Rarely anyone spoke up, yet you all knew.

So Cheers To That Elephant For Being the cause of such a terrible time,

yet showing me who in the crowd really loved me.

I feel like...

I want to change.

I want life to start happening.

I just want the chapter in my life's book to change.

In a Sense I would love to have been luckier

I used to ask myself "why me"

But I know if i've made it this far, God must have kept me for a purpose

I know I'm already so lucky to be living

but I also wonder if what I have gone through has changed me as a person

Would I be a better "me" if i didn't have to go though it all like everyone else?

to stop loving you

Is it because everything in my life has to work in its reverse?

If I love you does that mean that you hate me?

and what if i hate you?

would you love me?

I honestly hate and love you.

does that mean you don't know what to think of me?

or does it mean you hate and love me to?

I can't know longer what to do with you.

I still want to be your friend like we were

I loved you and you loved me but we both grew,

apart.

How do you like me now

I hate you. Why did i have to fall for you. Why did I think you were so special, when you wern't. Was it cause I called dibs on you first. I thought you were special before anyone knew you. Now your the coolest guy and everyone adores you. But me. I hate you so much that I love you. I just love to hate you and I hate to love you. Its always been like that. I feel like i've been so played without you ever noticing me. I know you won't touch me because you know I'm too good for that. I like that, but I hate it too. I want you. I hope one day you and me can work. Cause I've tried to play my life out in my head and it always ends with me and you. I want the day to come where I won't want you anymore. I want to be somewhere in my life one day and be able to laugh in his face for passing by the offer. that is if he wasn't mine.

The Time Bomb

I want to live forever, but how can I if I'm just a ticking time bomb. As each second passes I am without another second. What if this time bomb was to just never end. Never stop ticking. In reality it has to stop but what if it doesn't for a real long time? I don't want to be a time bomb no more but I have no choice. In a sense I'd like for that final explosion not to be so big. Or what if they had disassembled the time bomb. Well yes, while disassembling it could go off. What if I was spared my life of this time bomb. I would never have to worry again. I'd never have to worry about being alone, being far or just having it explode. What a relief that would be?

The present is no longer a present

I hate this part right here.

After he loves you.

He now is with someone else.

We've agreed to be friends, but I still hate it.

It's the same feeling as if an atheist was trying to discuss God with his unknowing friends.

It just doesn't feel right hearing the words "I love you" being replaced with" I love her" or just "goodbye".

At times I feel that I'd rather not talk to you at all, instead of talking.

But I still don't want to forget what you did to my life.

Once Successful ...

I know I have simply made it when I can wake up everyday with with a smile, dance around and just love the day!

What If?

What if?

What if I was to leave?

What if I was to never come back again?

What if I Knew I loved you?

What if I knew you loved me?

What if I was to leave?

What if I was never come back again?

What if you knew about me?

Well, you don't.

You do know who this person is on the outside.

But do you truly know whats going on on the inside.

There's more to me.

There''s a whole another story that you don't have a clue about.

Thats why I'm great at what I do.

Thats why I'm an actor.

A great liar I am.

What if I was lying this whole time

What if every time you asked me if I was fine, I'd lie?

What if I was to always respond with Great or Good?

What if?

What if I was never to leave?

What if I was to come back again?

What if I didn't Know I loved you?

What if I didn't know you loved me?

What if I was to never leave?

What if I was come back again?

What if you didn't know about me?

Well, you do.

How would I rather live? Endlessly without you or shortly with you.